something seems shady

I don't know for sure; I could be wrong, but did I miss the world ending? From what I could gather from all the talk going round, at four o’clock on May 21, 2011, all the righteous should have been taken up to heaven leaving the heathens on earth to fight it out. I suppose that would make sense in light of the survival of the fittest, I always figured Charles Darwin to be fairly bright, but since I am still here and so are you does that mean we are among the savages? Does that mean we are supposed to square off to see who is that last one standing, taking the role for who has the right to breed? I sure hope not because that is a lot of responsibility, and I already have a wife. Besides which, according to my calculations, in the right situation I could beat up most of the people I know, and the ones I can't, I can at least out-run. So, here I come ladies, not.

Oh, how I was counting on being lifted to my divine destiny. No such luck though. Which is too bad because I had said goodbye to my wife in advance, wishing her the best of luck. I had put on clean underwear, combed my hair, took a jog around my living room, and then jotted down a note containing all the wisdom I had learned. I have been disappointed though, or perhaps I have just been left behind as an example to the rest of humanity as to what they could have been. Either way I am here, and where have all the cowboys gone?

dream land train

Dream Land Train. Wouldn’t it be nice to have one of those. And wouldn’t it be nice if that Dream Land Train was as easy to board as jumping off a platform into a darkened box car below. Far too often dreams and sleep are the mistresses that I can never seem quite able to seduce. Take last night for instance, I fell asleep at 8:30 while rocking my son, he has inherited my poor sleeping gene, I woke up at around 9:30 to put him in his crib, and as I crawled into my own bed Miss Lady Sleep had all but vanished. At about 10:30 I considered doing such things as making out with my pillow, showing the bird to the darkness, or just giving Lady Sleep a little redeye action. The reason I didn't end up doing any of that was the probability of my wife waking up. Besides a laugh and a giggle, I really don't know how I would have explained myself. So instead I continued to sing the song lyrics that had been rattling through my brain for that hour. “Camma camma camma chameleon. Don't you know don't you know.” Yes, that is my late night version of “Karma Chameleon” by the quirky Boy George. This morning when I woke up still singing my adapted version, I thought that I should watch his music video. 30 seconds in I realized my mistake and typed this instead.

Dream Land Train where have you been
Dream Land Train won't you come and take me in
It has been a long day
It has been a long night
Dreaming of the mistress that won't speak my name
Dream Land Train come and save me now
Wisk me away on the rhythm of your tracks
Wisk me away onto the mystery of your ride
Dream Land Train I wish to feel your churning, burning deep with in
Dream Land Train come and take me home.
Show me the world through your tantalizing eyes
Show me the rise, the fall, the euphoria
Dream Land Train take me away


The above is my own lyrical composition, soon-to-be viral mega hit. You’re welcome world.

lover's crush

There are few things in life that make me giggle with excitement. And there is only a small portion of those things that make me jubilant enough that even my bowels can't help but to wiggle and send me to the little boys room that they may scream out their joy. Explorations are one of those things. I have often thought that I should have been born in the time when half the world was still undiscovered. I like to think that if given the chance, I would have sailed into the horizon to dangle my ship on the edge of the flat world. And in my dreams I have pondered a mournful love for never being able to have traveled the Mississippi when true natives roamed its shores. And in the farthest reaches of my mind I think that if the timing was right, I would have been the one to declare, “What is there that confers the noblest delight? What is that which swells a man's breast with pride above that which any other experience can bring to him? Discovery! To know that he is walking where none others have walked; that he is beholding.” But alas, I am not the one to coin these words, and in truth all that is left to me is to stare at pictures such as these wondering what could have been and to dream of seeing what others have left behind.

When I look at this picture and feel the turnings of excitement that were never mine, another borrowed statement comes to my mind, “I wonder if I could live in there,” as spoken by my brother. And now that I have written his thought aloud I would like to change just one thing. It isn't a wonder for me to live in this sunken ship. It is a wish. Yes, I really do wish that I could sing the songs of mermaids while living in the hull of a ship just bellow the oceans surface. In fact just typing this desire reminds me of all the childhood love crushes I had on many of the Disney animated characters, and of all those many secret lover’s whims none of them were truer than the crush I had on Ariel the undersea princess. I suppose there is just something to be said about shells and undersea places.