what not to do when you have had one to many

It is official, I'm not the only one alive who has dreamed of sticking my bare bottom in the face of a fully armed riot squad. The only difference between me and the dude in the pictures is that he has now done it. And not to be gross, but I believe the whitish cloud hovering in the center of the screen is a little suspicious.

And now for just a moment let me pull your attention to the two unmasked officers standing their ground behind this guy. I find it interesting that one officer is staring at the hind-quarters of the gentleman on all fours as if she is contemplating whether or not she has seen those cheeks before, while the guy next to her is grimacing with the realization that he knows those cheeks and wishes with all of his might that his brother would have just stayed home.

ahoy matie

I know what you are think, and by you I mean my innumerable number of readers, you are thinking that I am going to be sensitive to the tragedy that has struck Japan. Like anyone who has been near a computer in the last several weeks, I have watch the tsunami videos being posted across the internet, and each time I have seen a new one I have thought to myself, “I'm glad I'm not that guy, girl, or house floating down the rising tide of the ocean. And just so you know I have sworn to my conscience that if I had money to spare I would send some to the poor chumps who have lost everything to the cruelty of mother nature.

But as you may guess, I am not making this post for the sake of being sensitive. I'm not even looking to pay tribute to the victims. My objective is to make the simple observation of how the people who own the house in the picture above have by dumb luck just increased the value of their property, not to mention the coolness of their home. Speaking of myself alone, in all my thirty-three years of life I have never rolled out of bed to find a boat atop my dwelling place. More than likely though, the people that own this home didn't roll out of bed; chances are they floated, and if that be the case it is fortunate that they had a boat sitting near ready to be used. So I suppose the morale of the story is, “if someone leaves their boat sitting on your house, it’s ok to check their mini fridge for your type of beverage.”

it seems to be

What is humor for, if not to make fun of the dumb. And it seems to be that every town has a guy like this, someone whose level of intelligence is just a little lower than everyone else's. As a result the smart people enjoy putting this individual in situations that, while funny, are a little demeaning, but hey, it’s okay because it really isn't making fun of a someone when the person who is the butt of the joke has no idea that they are the butt. Take this guy for instance: with that cool beer in his hand and the unlit cigarette dangling from his chops, he is oblivious to everything, while the person behind the camera is giggling with the anticipation of posting this picture on the community blog where everyone can see what ridiculous thing the doof had again allowed to be done to him.

Admittedly, I have once been that doof. It was a cool winter’s morning and I was sitting in English class. The boy next to me told me that I would look cool with a beard and mustache. Not being able to grow one of my own I consented to drawing one with my industrial strength Bic pen. Of course there was the original promise that was bound to be broken: that the other kid would draw a beard and mustache on himself. In the end I was the only one with a mustache, and if there had been a camera handy I would have looked like this guy only minus the beer and the worldwide social networks that would have allowed everyone I know to share in the joke. I am glad that my childhood was not spent in a technologically advanced society.